A run-down for the Iowa caucus

Is it just me, or are the Republican candidates for president all losers?

• Romney is like a cross between the robotically pedantic John Kerry and a smarmy used-car salesman: "Did I say I sold jobs? I mean cars! I sell CARS! You must have completely misheard me. You see, when I was at Bain Capital... "
• Ron Paul can't decide if he's racist, sexist or senile.  Right now, he's shooting for all three. He is so completely Randian, that he NAMED HIS SON RAND after the sociopathic misanthrope who's basic life philosophy was "I got mine; screw the rest of you." The nicest thing you can say about Ron Paul is that he is completely consistent. He has been voting "screw you" since he was elected.
• Newt is as slimy as the amphibian which shares his name harkening back to the televangelists of the 80s who spent half their air time repenting and half their lives sinning, which I don't mind so much in a president as long as he's not a hypocrite about it. Gingrich is the definition of hypocrite.
• Santorum's smug self-righteousness is amusing if you think of him as a kook; as soon as you imagine a potential Santorum presidency, you won't be able to sleep at night. (Although really, the same goes for Paul.) Just yesterday he said that he wants to stop giving black people "other people's [read: white people's] money," because, you know, that's not really helping. He wants to legalize his hatred of gay people because, you know, they have butt sex. How much do you want to bet me that Mrs. Santorum doesn't even undress for their monthly procreation copulation?
• Rick Perry is a comedian's dream, much like the previous Texas governor who ran for president, but this time no one is telling the man to shut up until after the election so fortunately (unfortunately?) we know in advance how stupid he is. 
• Michelle Bachmann still has the crazy coming out of her eyes. Must have been all that time home-schooling her 275 foster kids. God help us, they all think that George Washington was against slavery, but slavery was good for black people.
• There's also that other Mormon, Jon Huntsman. He doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell, poor guy. You know this because no one is talking about him.