Protect your nuts

Obviously it's been too long since I posted dire warnings about the furry terrorists in our midst. These creatures will lull us all into a false sense of security with their adorableness and then, when we least expect it, cause widespread power outages, pelt us with half-eaten nuts, destroy our flowerbeds, and eat our birdseed. Some are even daring enough to run out in front of cars in the hopes of causing serious accidents.
As I see, too many of us have been won over by their bright button eyes and fuzzy tails. DO NOT be fooled: squirrel-Qaeda is plotting the overthrow of the American way of life.
The un-real Americans on the "left" coast have turned traitor. Longview, Washington, is planning its THIRD ANNUAL SquirrelFest this summer. Beware, good citizens, beware.
Equally un-American (for real) is a Canadian woman who could be squirrel-Qaeda's new propaganda minister. Nancy Rose spends her free time photographing a (ohmigoditssocute!) tame squirrel in her backyard. She has even gone so far as to name the fellow, not to mention anthropomorphize him.

Sure, Nancy, make it seem like they are just like us! Dangerous stuff here. Still, what do you expect from Canadians? They'll be nice to anyone.